It is about that time of year again.  The time when the never ceasing influx of untanned, ill-mannered, think we own the place, trash it when we leave renters and day trippers begins their migration “Down da Shaw”!  Our once tranquil and serene beaches buried under an avalanche of loud music playing, football throwing, picnic bringing, non-english speaking, swimming in their jeans and shoes, changing in the bathroom, parking in front of your house to avoid meters, beach trashing humanity.  Our streets are now choked with what resemble low flying airplanes flying 7 miles per hour down the strip with their systems thumping like a fat man’s heart.  Doesn’t it just fry your brain?  IT MAKES ME SO MAD!  Well, it used to.

            There was a time when I was like every other local resident.  Angry, pissed off, “Go Home Benny”, why are you here attitude.  But why?  If you sit back and truly take in the whole situation, no matter what time of year it is our beaches are a great place to be.  How could I possibly feel like that after all I just said?  It would seem I have just totally contradicted myself, but no.  I said there WAS a time.  Today I have learned to deal with it in many ways and I would like to share a few with you. 

            The first problem with living in a super crowded touristy area is obviously traffic.  Best solution?  Beach cruisers, fun, functional and a lot less aggravating then sitting in traffic for ten minutes to go two blocks.  My roommates and I have invested in some sweet cruisers and it just makes getting around town so much more fun.   Plus there are huge upsides to cruisers.  You can work off some of the winter insulation, avoid parking meters, stay out of traffic, people watch, and my personal favorite bike and bar tours, which the cruiser will help you avoid tragic DUI’s.(it is possible to get one, but you need to be a real prick to pull it off)

            Next is the disgusting masses of people who descend upon and trash our beaches.  It is tough to do anything about them trashing the beach except for “friendly” reminders to remind them to take off what they brought on.  However, there is some solace to be had even while sharing the beach with them.  While you are sitting there for the 24th straight day sipping your beverage you can take comfort in the fact that you get to do all summer, and fall, what these people are shelling out a lot of money to do for a weekend or maybe a week.  Take pity knowing that this is their vacation and in one week while you are still sitting on the beach they will be stuck back in the hot summer filth that they crawled out of. 

            So take heart Jersey Shore LOCALS.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I live in Seaside Heights and I get to see quite possibly the lowest common denominator of society day in and day out in the summer.  We have already started chanting “Prom 2008” around my house so much it is becoming meaningless. My Sunday nights will soon transform from peaceful and tranquil over looking the bay, to watching throngs of out of towners crowd my street while countless boats clutter the once serene bay.  But stay strong, we all know the best two months of the year are still four months away.  Just don’t spread that word around.

Feel free to share your summer coping skills.